It’s hard, really hard, always pretending that I am okay. The truth is that it not and I want to wrap every member of my family in bubble wrap to keep them safe. Shanny’s Birthday is 2 weeks away and then 3 days later is Christmas, she would be 24 years old. Everyone that knows me thinks I am this strong woman but that isn’t true. It’s a fight every day to get up and face the world. It’s a fight every day to let my adult children go about their daily lives without pestering them. It’s hard to get into a car to go somewhere by myself only to have call someone in my family to talk me home because something happens that sends me into a meltdown.
Sunday, November 4, 2018
It used to be that, when I voted I would vote for anyone that was not a Democrat or Republican and if those were the only choices then I would write in Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny. Now when I pick up my ballet I cringe because I now know that I can no longer truly trust our elected officials. After how the Yamhill County District Attorney and his minions lied and made false promises when it came to dealing with the person that killed my daughter and her friend. How can I possibly vote for any of those people on the ballet? How can I faith in any elected official after the failures of our elected officials to even be proactive in setting a legal limit for pot smoking? Seems to me all the state legislature wants to do is find more ways to create more taxes and/or fees to rip people off so they can vote themselves more raises.
I actually emailed the current Oregon Governor, Kate Brown and one of her opponents to ask them why I should vote for them and if they were truly honorable and really wanted to make a difference. Neither one responded. So again, why should I even bother to vote? What will it change? Do our elected officials even listen to those that put them in office?
Then there is the Yamhill County Sheriff position, why vote at all? will the winner make sure his officers actually write citations in traffic crashes, especially if the crash involves fatalities, or will he continue to let the officers skip writing citation because they feel sorry for the person that caused the accident?
Don’t Get me wrong, I did vote, I just don’t see the point or purpose of voting any more when all the people in office seem to only care about their power and gain and not the real reason they were put in office. While every year we the voters are subjected to more lies and dirt slinging.
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Dang, how many times can one person stop and erase everything they are writing only to turn around and start the dreaded process over again. I just can’t seem to find my words sometimes. They feel so jumbled up and what kills me is that before Shanny was killed it wasn’t like that. So much has changed as a direct result of her death and sometimes it feels like I may never learn what all those changes are.
I have a lot of hobbies and activities and it used to be that I had time for each and every one. Now with being into the new job for the last 6 months I don’t have nearly enough time for anything except sleep. And the weekends are not even close to long enough to cover it. So, when Friday rolled around I was eager to get off work and get to writing for both my blogs and work on the article I was asked to do for Gold Star’s quarterly newsletter. I even had parts of those post already written in my head, then I got home and they were gone.
Now it’s Sunday and I am writing but not exactly what I had in mind and dreading going back to the place where my husband and I work. Because the hostile atmosphere of the work environment there can be really suffocating at times. I am beginning to think that manufacturing plants are the worst places in the world to work and that I now understand by Unions have their place in our country.
My dog, Trip, is not helping get my projects done, he is only 9 months old and he just loves attention and follows me everywhere. Right now, we are outside working while Doug is in his studio with his customers working on their projects. LOL Trip can’t decide if he wants on my lap or if he wants to tangle himself up in the legs of my table and chair. Goofy dog.
I worked on some genealogy, yesterday. I mean really worked on it. I have touched very little since Shanny’s death because I didn’t want to update the files pertaining to her and I know I have to and I will but not yet. I worked on my Lewis line and found a few records on the Washington State Digital Archives site, so I felt some sense of accomplishment in that department.
I changed the day I work on my rock tumblers from Wednesday to Tuesday with the plan of bring that continuous project around to the weekend as well but it seems like a moot point with Winter coming. It will be too cold to be outside rinsing sludge off of rocks, but I figure I have at least 3 or 4 weeks before I have to stop the rock tumblers for the winter. Unfortunately, I had some set backs in the process so I don’t see me having any of my rocks polished until next Spring. Which means I have none to send to my sister to sell. Well, at least she has a few from the ones I did last Summer so no point in stressing.
I haven’t written to Shanny for a few weeks and it is starting to get to me a bit. I started the journal to her shortly after the crash because it was so hard to not be able to talk to her. I was so used to talking to her almost daily and I miss that so much so the journal helps with that on some level but honestly it would be better if she was hear to respond. I also need to get down to the memorial to make sure it is cleaned up for the Winter because getting down there will be a bit of a challenge between work and the weather. That’s another thing I have noticed since leaving the bus barn to go for the same plant Doug does. I used to drive by the memorial several times a day because that was the way my bus route went and I was able to look out for it and make sure it was picked up but now I can’t do that as often and it feels weird.
Thanks for listening (reading). I am off to make another attempt at a post for my book blog, wish me luck. It used to be a lot easier than this.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Two years ago, today, DDA Alicia Eagan stood up in front of Judge Stone and told him that she had no evidence or witnesses and that only half of the victims’ families and friends wanted a trial. In both cases she lied, there was only one family member from Jake’s family that didn’t want a trial. We were all ready to take it all the way to the wall and the DDA preferred to talk a big talk then turn around and stab the victims in the case in the back. DDA Alicia Eagan said she a tried a lot of cases like the crash that killed Shanny and Jake and that she could get a conviction that would be a Measure 11 sentence which would have been mandatory without parole. DA Brad Berry promised us he would settle for nothing less then a Measure 11 sentence and he to talked a big talk and didn't keep his word. They should both be ashamed of themselves for being such dishonest public officials.
Here is the thing that really kills us, there was a street racing crash a few months later and someone died in that crash. The driver of the at fault car was sentenced to 12 years for first-degree manslaughter, the same measure 11 offense that Kevin Milanez-Gomez was charged with. The person in the street racing accident injured 2 people and killed one person and he got 12 years oh and his friend got just over six years for his part in the street race. While Kevin Milanez-Gomez only got just over six years with time off for good behavior for killing 2 people while driving without a license and under the influence of marijuana that he should never have had in the first place because he was 17 years old and blowing threw a stop sign. The Sheriff’s office didn’t even issue any tickets DUII, MIP or reckless driving. The difference between the street racer case and Kevin’s case… One of the street racers victims’ (who happened to be in the racers car) mother work for the Yamhill County Court House… makes you think don’t it? Why did they give due diligence to one and not the other?
The there is of course Kevin’s accomplice in all of this, Dianna Muńiz. Based on her social media sites it is clear that the death of my child and her friend has done nothing to curb her parting and that she clearly could careless that she and Kevin took two lives and deprived families and friends of two special young people who deserved to live. I should not be surprised, after all she cared so little that she was willing to lie about smoking pot when asked about it for both her and Kevin and the legal system called her a victim even knowing that Dianna was in a car she knew she had no business being because she knew Kevin was unlicensed. Dianna should be in prison as well for her part in the deaths of Shanny and Jake.
Kevin and Dianna, why did you kill Shanny and Jake?
Kevin and Dianna, why did you kill Shanny and Jake?
The Day Shanny Died July 8, 2015
Sunday, September 9, 2018
It’s been two weeks since my last posting and I can’t decide on the order in which I want to write things which means I will probably be all over the map. I am sorry about that and hope it won’t be too confusing.
We had a really great visit with two of our kids this weekend, they were on leave from the Navy and visiting with family up here in Oregon. We feel very honored that they included us in their list of family to visit and even better, we were their first stop. I got to make homemade pizza and fry bread for them. I would have to say that was the best part of the last two weeks.
We went to a bar-b-que at the farm and some cousins from my husband’s side of the family were their and to be honest I hope I never see one of them again. This cousin started talking about how she had threatened to kick her kicks out if they got into drugs and how she did just that when she found drugs in their rooms. Then in the very next part of her topic of choice she talked about how she (of course she only smokes it in the evening) and her husband were pot smokers and he will drive under the influence when and I quote “you shouldn’t drive for 4 hours after smoking pot” (Really? Wow, somebody needs a better education in intoxicants and intoxication). I was sitting there listening to this and getting upset by the second and I finally just left. I sat in the truck away from that until my husband was ready to leave, yes, I was good with that, I had my computer and tablet and wasn’t going to ruin my husband’s fun (granted he wasn’t crazy with the cousin’s topic choice either). By the time we left I was calm enough to realize that she clearly did not know how Shanny was killed or any of the details. Because if she had I would like to think she would have avoided the topic all together.
I started getting sick last Thursday and today I feel marginally better, I think.
Yesterday like the 8th day of every month left me sad and clocking just one more month that I haven’t seen or talked to Shanny. Don’t get me wrong, I do focus on other things and so does my husband but our youngest daughter as with my other kids is never far from my thoughts. Family functions are fun but there is always this sense of someone missing and it leaves a heavy, empty feeling in my heart. I still miss my phone going off around 8:30 every morning with either a phone call or a text message, makes me wonder why I even keep my stupid phone because it doesn’t ring as much as it used to. Shanny wasn’t happy unless she was texting or calling someone, anyone lol even me. Unless of course she was working out, I miss her every day.
Saturday, August 25, 2018
I have been thinking about this new blog for sometime and wondering at where to start. Because it feels like I am starting it in the middle rather than at the beginning. But then how can there be a middle when there is no ending. Which has left me with the questions of where to start here because I had already started on my book blog but it truly doesn’t belong there and so here we are with a new blog and the need to write this stuff out so that I can let it go for just a little while in order to write the other things I want to write before the this stuff come crashing back into my head and clogging the whole works.
I know at times people won’t be happy with what I write but it needs to come out and to be honest some of those people have no right to be angry with me since they either caused the situation or did something to impede justice and deserve what gets said about them. I could write this out in the journal that I have but I actually started that to write to Shanny so why would I clog it up with all the negative. I would rather write to her about the good stuff because I missing talking to her.
I plan to move my previous blog post about Shanny’s death here but I haven’t gotten around to sorting the process out yet. But will in a few days, maybe. Might as well have everything in one place, right?
It’s hard, really hard, always pretending that I am okay. The truth is that it not and I want to wrap every member of my family in bubble...
Two years ago, today, DDA Alicia Eagan stood up in front of Judge Stone and told him that she had no evidence or witnesses and that only ...
I have been thinking about this new blog for sometime and wondering at where to start. Because it feels like I am starting it in the middl...
Dang, how many times can one person stop and erase everything they are writing only to turn around and start the dreaded process over aga...